What's Your Practice?

Lordy Mercy.  What a month this has been.  Coming off the high of getting my Integrative Wisdom card deck completed and having the article published in the SD Voyager on line magazine, my business plan was stopped cold by the events that transpired just a few days later.  Just yesterday, on  my birthday in fact, things were finally starting to settle down.  I decided to write my reflections now before more of life happens.

So, what could have happened to derail my business plan so suddenly?  A text message followed by a phone call alerting me to the fact my 89 year old mother had been transported to her local hospital due to severe shortness of breath.  My niece, who lives the closest to my mom, received the call early Sunday by my mother who stated, "I didn't know if I was gonna make it through the night."  Now mind you, she did not think or bother to call 911.  Instead, she waited for the sun to appear.  And called my niece who was Johnny on the spot and got to her grandma's in record time.  

My sister and family arrived within an hour and a half or so and my husband and I within 2 hours.  My mother was in the ER, in acute respiratory failure brought on by congestive heart failure (which was later upgraded to a heart attack).  I'd add a photo of her in the Bi-pap mask but she would kill me, so I won't.  Suffice it to say, it was very serious.  She was fighting the mask and was having a lot of difficulty calming herself down.  She felt as if she were suffocating to death, even though the mask was going to save her.  The ER doctor told us, "It's very serious."

Trauma Happens While You're Making Other Plans

The month had already been quite emotional for our extended family.  In December a family member's baby had gotten ill and died within a few weeks.  On the heels of that devastating loss, the 95 year old matriarch of the family died suddenly.  Her funeral was pending.  To the whole family's credit, once they got the news that the other family matriarch was in danger, almost every single one stopped their Sunday plans and came to the ER.  They wanted to be sure that if this was it, they were gonna be able to let her know how much they loved her and how important she was to their lives.

Now, another thing going on concurrently was that my sister and I were working on our mom's 90th birthday bash.  My sister was going in a million directions at once while I and my husband were trying to clean up a bit of mom's yard and prepare the space for the almost 90 people invited.  Suddenly all those plans were on hold as we waited to see if she was going to make it to 90 after all.  That Sunday in the ER she had 19 days to go.

I can't pretend to know what anyone else was going through during these scary days so the focus of this blog is to share my perspective and more importantly, how Integrative Wisdom worked to keep me mostly sane and how the practices I used reduced a huge amount of my stress.

Briefly, other things going on as I sat, first in the ER, and secondly in the hospital intensive care unit, included meeting my son's fiance for the first time, attending my ex mother-in-law's funeral, taking my best buddy from high school out for her birthday and celebrating, not only her birthday, but also finally getting well from complications from breast cancer treatment, continuing to plan for a party we weren't sure we could hold, learning about family secrets that were just that and trying to put that newly acquired knowledge into perspective, taking care of my three great grandsons for several days during their Spring break as promised to my granddaughter, prepare for an upcoming trip to Canada, and celebrate my birthday!

I'm trying to give you just a taste of what my soul, mind, body, and spirit were going through.  What is most important to this post however, is how my practice kept me sane and afloat.  I have always said it's important to have a practice in place before the you-know-what hits the fan.  And what follows is mine.

My Practice for When the You-Know-What Hits The Fan

Just seeing the photo above sends an immediate reminder to breathe.  Slow down.  Stop.  Breathe in with awareness and then let the breath out slowly.  Do it again.  And again.  This tool is probably the most important of all tools.  The benefits are instantaneous.  A nice cup of tea helps too... 

Nature as a Healing Force

Sitting in the hospital, whether in the ER, the intensive care unit, or the SNF, takes a huge toll on our minds, our bodies, our spirits, and our souls.  It is crucial to try and sneak a few minutes to step outside and be in nature.  Allowing your entire being to breathe in the beneficial effects of fresh air, the blue sky, the flowers, the trees, brings additional calm to a worried mind.  This really helped me cope with the long days of not knowing.  I especially appreciated when the birds would sing to me.

Deep Awareness

Pervading each and every moment of this month was the practice of being aware.  Being aware of my limitations, my beliefs, my values, and my strengths as well as others' limitations, beliefs, values, and strengths, allowed for a depth of presence to the decisions and tasks at hand.  This reduced the amount of friction that can occur when family members come together to solve problems or face difficult situations.  I'm not perfect with this practice, but I am good enough at it that it helps me immensely. 

Remembering to Look for the Blessings

In all of the chaos this past month, there have been many blessings.  It's such a comfort to identify and recognize this during all the struggles, sorrow, fear, anger, and pain.  Taking that moment to breathe, to acknowledge the situation, and then to give thanks for the little things, the big things, and to consciously look for the silver lining meant that I was able to find the blessings that were there.

Identifying a Talisman and Sharing with Community

This was a fun and super exciting moment.  My granddaughter took the time to create special bracelets out of important beads of mine.  We then shared them with a few of the women in our lives that were also going through big life changes or challenges.  I recommend finding a way to identify a talisman of some significance, at least for yourself to hold on to, and then if possible, finding a way to include a community of support as well.  When I wore my bracelet,  I remembered the women were holding me up as I went through my day.  And I knew they knew I was holding them up as well.

Turn to your Angels and Guides

Not only is it helpful to find your community here on earth, but it's also helpful to call on your spiritual support team.  I find comfort in trusting I have this team in place.  You will have to figure out if this is something you believe in.  Then, be sure to call on your team as soon as you realize there is a situation developing that will tax your body, your mind, your spirit, or your soul.

Celebrate the Victories

Lastly, for this post, it is really important to be sure to take time to celebrate the wins.  I was responsible for so much this past month but I also wanted to be responsible to me.  My birthday is a special day to me and I never work on my birthday.  I wanted this to be the same during this stressful time.  And, I was able to have my birthday fun.  Of course it took a team effort to make it happen and of course I was still receiving calls about my mom and her care, so it was still a bit stressful.  I made sure to use the "breathe" tip when I had to take a call.

Going forward, as far as my mom's situation goes, will require me to continue to use my practice.  She's home now and is reintegrating herself back into her home routine.  She will need support but we aren't yet sure what that arrangement will look like.  She knows her daughters will do as much as they can to assist, but she also knows that we have our own responsibilities and families to tend to.  Using my Integrative Wisdom practice, I am hopeful I will stay healthy and sane.

Oh, yes, humor is another very important tool to use...

I hope you have learned something useful from reading this blog.  And I hope that if you are interested in creating your own personal healing practice but need some help, you will reach out to me at Integrative Wisdom.  It would be my honor to assist you.

PS, my mom's party was a huge success!!!

The Seat of Honor