Life's Magical Moments

What Magic is Brewing in Your Life?

Happy Brand New Month!  OMG a few of us might exclaim.  How in the world did we get here already?  Where did this year go?  I'm not ready... (Just a few other exclamations we might be making!)

And yet, we are here.  Right here at the end of a whole year.  AND to make it even more surreal, we have arrived at the end of a decade and are facing a brand spanking new one.   Usually just the coming of a new year sends out the call to make those resolutions but the coming of a new decade?  What might that milestone trigger within us?

Maybe you have been so busy you haven't even thought about the new decade.  Maybe you are so busy with the Christmas season, you haven't even thought about the New Year.  If not, I'm here to put a bee in your bonnet and set your mind to conjuring.

What better time than the magical season of Christmas to envision our future?  One question I have been pondering for a few years now is this:  As an adult, what would I ask Santa for?  For some reason this question has not been easy for me to answer.  I think back to my childhood and the joy I felt when I realized that Santa had listened to me and thought enough of me to fulfill my heart's desire.  I truly loved the gift, whatever it was, and skipped and jumped around for days, while reveling in my prize.

But, now as an adult, the magic has shifted slightly.  Now I am more inclined to believe the gift will come due to my actions, not Santa's.  But...if I returned to those days of blind faith in a bringer of my deepest held desire, what would I ask for?

I have considered those beauty contest answers like "world peace" and "justice for all".  Maybe I don't even think those are possible and I don't want to waste a wish. Or maybe I'm just selfish and want the gift to only benefit me and my life.  As I have said, I am still in the middle of discernment.

I will pause here and let you ponder what you might ask Santa for...

Dear Santa,

So, what is your wish to Santa?  Was it easier for you than it has been for me?  I hope so.  Here's to that magical moment when Santa grants your deepest desire.

But...if you were more like me and found it hard to know what to ask for, why do you think that is?  I'm really curious.  I think part of it for me is the understanding I now have about the fragility of life and the knowledge that, all too soon, life comes to an end.  I find there isn't any one thing I can ask for that will live up to the enormity of this fact.

Instead, I find myself simply wanting to show up to each day.  I find I want to show up, more to the process of asking rather than the end result of receiving.  I revel in the magic that I am here at all and in the magic that one day, a day I have no knowledge of, that it will all be over.  I want to revel in this moment, this magic that is simply being able to ask the question.

So, back to this, end of the year-last month of 2019, moment.  Back to this end of a decade moment.  I am choosing to be held in this magic by consciously marking my days, by listening with my inner ear and discerning what to do, not what to get.  I find have goals, milestones I want to achieve that stand for the idea I was given a responsibility in this being born, a mandate to listen to an inner call and somehow manifest this out into the world. 

I am excited that I am achieving all three of the goals I set for myself back in May.  These will be the gifts I give to myself I suppose.  These coming to fruition is the magic I will cherish.  And, as I finish out these last 30 days of this decade I will give thanks for the gift of life, for the gift of magic, and for the gift of believing.  And I extend my belief that you, too, will be able to discern your end of the year, end of the decade magical moments and revel in them.


Lastly, Integrative Wisdom will be offering an envisionment gathering in January 2020.  Yep, I just made up that word.  It works for what I am envisioning... If you have any desire to partake in the magic, stay tuned.  The date will be set one day soon.  I hope to see you here.

Your Soul Catalyst,
Verna

11:11 AND a New Decade in 50 Days! Oh, AND the Mercury Transit!

Oh me oh my.  Chances are you won't be reading this on 11/11, but still maybe you will be able to recall the excitement surrounding this day.  Or maybe you will just recall this day as Veteran's Day.  At any rate, it felt like a big day to me so I really wanted to mark the day with a new post.

What was kind of funny to me is that I was thwarted today several times.  You see, I forgot it was a national holiday and so my trips to the credit union, the bank, and the library were for naught.  And you would think the first closed governmental building would have clued me in, but alas, nope.

Anyway, I did go look for a website that showed the Mercury transit, which is watching a tiny black round thing cross the sun, with the aid of very powerful telescopes of course.  It was pretty darn amazing.  It also was a great way to remind oneself that no matter how much it feels like this planet is stationary, it is definitely not.  And that's a pretty big deal if we think about it.

Miracle.  Magic.  Marvelous.

Mercury's Magic

Lastly, and this one really stunned me, even though I know we are nearing the end of the year.  We are only 50 days away from a brand new decade!  Now, that's the potential for a fresh start isn't it?!  I mean, can you imagine the new journal you should get to mark this occasion?  An entirely new 10 years!  And, from what I hear from various astrologists out in the wild world, we are moving even more deeply into a new age...wait for it...yes, it really is the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

The Age of Aquarius

However, the dawning details are just way too complicated and daunting to add to this humble post, so we will just leave that here as we hum a few bars...

What I think is most important, especially if you are one that loves fresh starts, is that you also make a concentrated attempt to end this decade with intention as well.  For the next 50 days, see if you can reflect back on the last decade and track your growth, your understanding, your insight into who the heck you are and why you are here on this planet now.

What is waiting within your deepest self for you to find?  What is waiting for you to finally release and let go? Maybe you can set aside a special notebook or maybe even make one with 50 pages in it and take a few minutes for the next 50 days to write stuff down.

Let yourself be with yourself for a change.  Give that YOU some true quality time, not for worldly endeavors, but for soulful ones.  Decide to Go SLO=W.  Stop.  Listen.  Observe.  Voila, wisdom appears in the form of knowledge, self knowledge.  And as Bruce Lipton has said in his book, The Biology of Belief, "self knowledge is self empowerment".  What better way to usher out the old...decade, and usher in the new...decade than by empowering yourself FOR yourself!!!!

And lest you think this selfish, dear one, please know that the more you know and understand you, the better partner, friend, daughter, spouse etc you will be.  SO in reality, one of the least selfish things you can do.  It's way more selfish to wallow in your self doubt, your self pity, your self depreciation...well, I think you get the gist.

So, dear reader, go forth and get quiet for a bit.  Let your soul shine a bit and let it talk to you.  You will be guided I am sure.  And it may be a little bit scary, but nothing like those horror movies we are encouraged to see.  You can do this.  I have faith in you.

Be fierce.  Be brave.  Be present. 

Be You.

OK, I think that's it for this love letter for the wonderful 11:11 Mercury transit, New Decade in 50 days post.  Hope you will take this to heart and mark the passing of this decade with purpose!

Your Soul Catalyst,

Verna

Listen to Your Soul Talk

Are You Ready?

Ready for what?  Why, to listen to your soul talk.

Stop living from your head all the time.

Let that deep inner wisdom minister to you.

We are SO used to thinking, thinking, thinking.  Our minds are a great asset, don't get me wrong.  To lose one's mind is NOT a desired goal.  However, we must train our minds to work with the rest of us, not always lead us around like a trained monkey.

Research has shown that our bodies talk to us all the time.  We just ignore them.  Pain is one language our bodies use to speak.  Stop what you are doing.  Listen to me.  Wisdom is there.  We choose not to pay attention.  Our minds reason out why it's OK to keep doing what we are doing.  It's my life...

Spiritually even, we often allow our minds to run the show.  We decide with our minds what we will believe in, what is acceptable, how God works.  It is rare that we sense that Spirit within us.  It is rare to live our lives knowing that Spirit will guide us in our actions and our thoughts--if we take a minute to drop down into our hearts and get out of our heads.

That is a big IF.

Which brings us to the biggest challenge of all.

The Soul.

The deepest well of wisdom of all.

Yet, a well we seldom drink from.

Want proof?

Try to define soul for yourself.

I'm waiting.

I'm imagining it's a bit difficult for you.

And even if you define it to your satisfaction,

Now tell me how often you go there to that inner place to ask advice or to be consoled or to rest.

I'm writing today to encourage you to go there.

It's time.

Our world needs us to live from our Souls.

Now.

Are you ready to listen to your soul talk?

If so, take some time to Go SLO=W™

Stop.

Listen.

Observe.

Wisdom from your Soul appears.

Yes, it takes practice.  Your mind has run this show for so long.  It really is not ready to relinquish control.  But it will, in the long run, be SO happy with things once you do.

Maybe these questions will get you started with the whole "listen to your soul talk" thing.

Use them if they work, toss them out if they don't.

Easy peasy.

And, if you're looking for support or ideas on how to start listening to your soul talk, Integrative Wisdom is always here to help and guide.

Along with retreats and soul coaching there is a new offering in the works.

I couldn't be prouder of this card deck and guide book.

It's concrete proof of me walking my talk.

Only because I kept listening and kept taking steps,

even if they were baby ones...

I followed my heart,

listened to my soul,

and succeeded in birthing a tool that I believe can help so many people with their Soul Talk.

I am sending you love and light as you read this.

I am so excited for you.

Listen to your soul talk.

Live completely and with great joy.

Any you will make such a difference in this world.

Signing out for today,

Your Soul Catalyst, Verna

What's Your Practice?

Lordy Mercy.  What a month this has been.  Coming off the high of getting my Integrative Wisdom card deck completed and having the article published in the SD Voyager on line magazine, my business plan was stopped cold by the events that transpired just a few days later.  Just yesterday, on  my birthday in fact, things were finally starting to settle down.  I decided to write my reflections now before more of life happens.

So, what could have happened to derail my business plan so suddenly?  A text message followed by a phone call alerting me to the fact my 89 year old mother had been transported to her local hospital due to severe shortness of breath.  My niece, who lives the closest to my mom, received the call early Sunday by my mother who stated, "I didn't know if I was gonna make it through the night."  Now mind you, she did not think or bother to call 911.  Instead, she waited for the sun to appear.  And called my niece who was Johnny on the spot and got to her grandma's in record time.  

My sister and family arrived within an hour and a half or so and my husband and I within 2 hours.  My mother was in the ER, in acute respiratory failure brought on by congestive heart failure (which was later upgraded to a heart attack).  I'd add a photo of her in the Bi-pap mask but she would kill me, so I won't.  Suffice it to say, it was very serious.  She was fighting the mask and was having a lot of difficulty calming herself down.  She felt as if she were suffocating to death, even though the mask was going to save her.  The ER doctor told us, "It's very serious."

Trauma Happens While You're Making Other Plans

The month had already been quite emotional for our extended family.  In December a family member's baby had gotten ill and died within a few weeks.  On the heels of that devastating loss, the 95 year old matriarch of the family died suddenly.  Her funeral was pending.  To the whole family's credit, once they got the news that the other family matriarch was in danger, almost every single one stopped their Sunday plans and came to the ER.  They wanted to be sure that if this was it, they were gonna be able to let her know how much they loved her and how important she was to their lives.

Now, another thing going on concurrently was that my sister and I were working on our mom's 90th birthday bash.  My sister was going in a million directions at once while I and my husband were trying to clean up a bit of mom's yard and prepare the space for the almost 90 people invited.  Suddenly all those plans were on hold as we waited to see if she was going to make it to 90 after all.  That Sunday in the ER she had 19 days to go.

I can't pretend to know what anyone else was going through during these scary days so the focus of this blog is to share my perspective and more importantly, how Integrative Wisdom worked to keep me mostly sane and how the practices I used reduced a huge amount of my stress.

Briefly, other things going on as I sat, first in the ER, and secondly in the hospital intensive care unit, included meeting my son's fiance for the first time, attending my ex mother-in-law's funeral, taking my best buddy from high school out for her birthday and celebrating, not only her birthday, but also finally getting well from complications from breast cancer treatment, continuing to plan for a party we weren't sure we could hold, learning about family secrets that were just that and trying to put that newly acquired knowledge into perspective, taking care of my three great grandsons for several days during their Spring break as promised to my granddaughter, prepare for an upcoming trip to Canada, and celebrate my birthday!

I'm trying to give you just a taste of what my soul, mind, body, and spirit were going through.  What is most important to this post however, is how my practice kept me sane and afloat.  I have always said it's important to have a practice in place before the you-know-what hits the fan.  And what follows is mine.

My Practice for When the You-Know-What Hits The Fan

Just seeing the photo above sends an immediate reminder to breathe.  Slow down.  Stop.  Breathe in with awareness and then let the breath out slowly.  Do it again.  And again.  This tool is probably the most important of all tools.  The benefits are instantaneous.  A nice cup of tea helps too... 

Nature as a Healing Force

Sitting in the hospital, whether in the ER, the intensive care unit, or the SNF, takes a huge toll on our minds, our bodies, our spirits, and our souls.  It is crucial to try and sneak a few minutes to step outside and be in nature.  Allowing your entire being to breathe in the beneficial effects of fresh air, the blue sky, the flowers, the trees, brings additional calm to a worried mind.  This really helped me cope with the long days of not knowing.  I especially appreciated when the birds would sing to me.

Deep Awareness

Pervading each and every moment of this month was the practice of being aware.  Being aware of my limitations, my beliefs, my values, and my strengths as well as others' limitations, beliefs, values, and strengths, allowed for a depth of presence to the decisions and tasks at hand.  This reduced the amount of friction that can occur when family members come together to solve problems or face difficult situations.  I'm not perfect with this practice, but I am good enough at it that it helps me immensely. 

Remembering to Look for the Blessings

In all of the chaos this past month, there have been many blessings.  It's such a comfort to identify and recognize this during all the struggles, sorrow, fear, anger, and pain.  Taking that moment to breathe, to acknowledge the situation, and then to give thanks for the little things, the big things, and to consciously look for the silver lining meant that I was able to find the blessings that were there.

Identifying a Talisman and Sharing with Community

This was a fun and super exciting moment.  My granddaughter took the time to create special bracelets out of important beads of mine.  We then shared them with a few of the women in our lives that were also going through big life changes or challenges.  I recommend finding a way to identify a talisman of some significance, at least for yourself to hold on to, and then if possible, finding a way to include a community of support as well.  When I wore my bracelet,  I remembered the women were holding me up as I went through my day.  And I knew they knew I was holding them up as well.

Turn to your Angels and Guides

Not only is it helpful to find your community here on earth, but it's also helpful to call on your spiritual support team.  I find comfort in trusting I have this team in place.  You will have to figure out if this is something you believe in.  Then, be sure to call on your team as soon as you realize there is a situation developing that will tax your body, your mind, your spirit, or your soul.

Celebrate the Victories

Lastly, for this post, it is really important to be sure to take time to celebrate the wins.  I was responsible for so much this past month but I also wanted to be responsible to me.  My birthday is a special day to me and I never work on my birthday.  I wanted this to be the same during this stressful time.  And, I was able to have my birthday fun.  Of course it took a team effort to make it happen and of course I was still receiving calls about my mom and her care, so it was still a bit stressful.  I made sure to use the "breathe" tip when I had to take a call.

Going forward, as far as my mom's situation goes, will require me to continue to use my practice.  She's home now and is reintegrating herself back into her home routine.  She will need support but we aren't yet sure what that arrangement will look like.  She knows her daughters will do as much as they can to assist, but she also knows that we have our own responsibilities and families to tend to.  Using my Integrative Wisdom practice, I am hopeful I will stay healthy and sane.

Oh, yes, humor is another very important tool to use...

I hope you have learned something useful from reading this blog.  And I hope that if you are interested in creating your own personal healing practice but need some help, you will reach out to me at Integrative Wisdom.  It would be my honor to assist you.

PS, my mom's party was a huge success!!!

The Seat of Honor

Grief Demands A Voice

Today I noticed my nephew posted on social media about the memories of his life prior to the death of his wife popping up on his news feed and how these memories  were “kicking his butt”, or something to that effect.  And as I looked at the photo he shared, I was brought back to that time, before his wife died, and how things were.  Looking at the photo, recalling the first time I saw it, I was transported back into the happiness of the moment.  Yes, that feeling was followed by the sadness of knowing she is no longer alive.  But, I was so grateful for the opportunity to remember her and the joy and the laughter and the love.  And in some strange way, even grateful for the sadness of missing her.

Here in our mainstream culture, it is not seemly to allow the death of someone close to us to take up too much of our most valuable time.  Hence the admonitions to “get on with your life”, to “get over it”, to “buck up”, and the like are often bandied about to those who are grieving.  Most of the time, it’s because they don’t like to feel those difficult emotions.  And we who have experienced loss would agree.  We don’t want to remember what we no longer have.  We want to pretend as if we can get on with life just fine.  Our loved one is lost to us.  And since we can’t find them again, we should move on.  We want this for those we love too.  Let’s face it, we don’t want to see them cry, much less bawl their eyes out expressing raw emotion.

Today’s post reflects on a few things that have come together for me this week.  First, I am two-thirds of the way through Stephen Jenkinson’s book, Die Wise.  https://orphanwisdom.com/

This book is not for the casual reader. Stephen writes deep and he takes you along for that dive.  Second, to give my brain a break, I started reading a book about Margaret Fuller.  Well, as synchronicity would have it, the book begins with her death.  And not just her death, but her death by drowning at sea with no body to be found, no body to grieve over.  Holy Moly.

And third, I am working on my next Integrative Wisdom gathering, “Grief Demands a Voice”.  As I place myself in the dream time and imagine what shape this gathering will take, my heart and my soul are plunged into our society’s struggle with these deep feelings we hold and hide.  We shove them deep into our own sea of forgetting, hesitant to hold them up into the light, fearful we won’t survive the depths of sorrow we find there.

I wonder if you might be surprised to learn that the sorrow, just because it is buried, has not died.  It is still very much alive and still demands attention and respect and VOICE.  Hence, the title of the gathering.  If you were to allow yourself to think about the last person close to you who died, what would those thoughts entail?  Would it be a laundry list of facts about the person, mundane details of how they lived and died, or would your thoughts turn to your relationship with them? 

 

My Dad Harvey

In my many years of hospice work as a medical social worker, it always surprised me that in general, we seem to think people will get nicer, kinder, smarter, wiser, more loving, etc. as they get closer to death.  Family members would ask me if this was true.  I would have to be honest with them and say that in general, people die the way they lived.  This can lead to lots of unresolved pain too.  Holding on to that kind of memory can increase the suffering felt by the one left behind.  Yet, what options do we have since our loved one is “lost” to us in death. 

Stephen says that our society has been working to get to “less dying”, as if that is somehow possible.  We put off having discussions about our dying, we pretend that those with a terminal diagnosis are doing “fine", we don’t talk about dying to those dying because we are afraid we will cause them to give up trying not to die while all the time they are still dying.  And in doing this dance of deception, important moments are stolen from us he says.  Stephen says we have sorrow and grieving and knowing about our dying stolen from us by our refusal to give any of this a voice.

In hospice, once a year we would hold a celebration of remembrance and invite the families of our deceased patients to attend.  As a speaker, I would acknowledge the importance of coming to such an event to honor their loved one, but I would then remind them that their grieving was not over.  As much as they would like to turn away from this pain, the sorrow and grieving are part of the mystery and gift of loving.  And I would encourage them to continue this path of mourning.

I guess that is what I am doing by offering this gathering.  I am encouraging you to step once again into the boat and sail once again into the sea of grief.  Give voice to your deceased beloved and allow them to communicate with you once more.  Honor your grieving.  Honor your sorrow.  Trust your wisdom that you have feelings or memories or thoughts that beg for expression in a safe place.  Let your memories of happiness and joy and love find expression here, even in death.

Grief Demands A Voice is offered November 3rd, 2018 from 10 am to 3 pm here at The Center of Creative Transformation in Escondido, Ca. $50 for the day.  Lunch included.  Details of how to prepare for the day will be sent upon registration.

And if you can’t join us here at The Center of Creative Transformation, please do find a safe place and continue to honor your expression of grief and loss for those who have died.

Wisdom Received From The Fall Gathering

Integrative Wisdom held its annual Fall Gathering on September 22^nd and 23^rd this year.  While there is space in the retreat center for ten women, only two were able to make it.  As is with most businesses, you might think this event would be cancelled due to “poor attendance”.  But Integrative Wisdom is not most businesses.  It was clear to me early on that my work was to serve, not to necessarily be financially successful.  And I adopted the mantra, “just one is enough”.  I figured that if only two women could make it this time, then there was a reason that only these two women would be here together.

And I was not wrong.  Our topic for our gathering was simply “Fall” and we gathered to create an intention for the next three months of our lives, based on where our summer had led us.  I had spent some time reading and listening to music in order to find just the right poems or quotes or songs to supplement this goal.  Here’s the first selection:

“Each moment is a place you’ve never been.”  Mark Strand

“Each act is virgin, even the repeated one.” Rene Char

“Your duty is to be; and not to be this or that.” Ramana Maharshi

As you might imagine, we had quite a robust conversation around these ideas.  And, we agreed that most of the time, we don’t follow any of these words of wisdom.  As the dialogue progressed, we opened to the possibility that we might adopt these words of wisdom as we moved into this season of “fall time”.  There was special resonance with the idea of giving ourselves permission to simply be, without having to fit into some kind of box or expectation.

I hope you will think about that for a moment before reading further.  What if you showed up to the next moment of your life as if you have never seen or experienced anything like it before?  How might your commute, your business meeting, your time with family be transformed?  I hope you try it.  Stop yourself when you say, I know what they are thinking, or I know you won’t care, or whatever other thing you say when you’ve already closed your mind to the possibilities inherent in the now.  Give another person the gift of blank slate, possibility, and wonder.  And, if in that moment, they do exactly what you thought they would do, the very act of you not expecting it will be new enough.  No need to say, I told you so.  Cause it will be different because you showed up differently.

OK, back to our gathering.  As we continued to breathe in and breathe out and as we sat in the expansiveness of peace, our hearts were open to share deeply.  And then the flow of communication intensified.  Here were two women who knew each other for years, and yet a dialogue began that was “a place they’d never been”.  One woman, a widow, sharing this journey back to wholeness and living in the now.  The other woman, sharing a cancer journey with her beloved, allowing herself to share that journey with us.  While you think one might be able to offer suggestions and advice given she has travelled that road, the consensus was:  What if this is approached from that idea “each act is a virgin act”? 

While it was acknowledged that having others who have walked a similar path share some of their experience in order to support someone else’s path, we also realized that if we believe in the idea presented in our opening quotes, there is a newness of possibility that presents itself.  This newness might have more juiciness and give more life to each day rather than waking up and saying to oneself, oh now I know what comes next. 

This was powerful to be sure.  We then moved to our next set of quotes:

“Meditate on the markings on your heart.” Mark Nepo.

“Lend yourself to others but give yourself to yourself.” Michel de Montaigne

“If you want to hold the beautiful one, hold yourself to yourself.” Rumi

Oh, now we really got into the meat of it.  So much of this journey is about others; what they need, what they want, what they expect….usually from us.  And to imagine turning inward to be as generous to one’s self?  These quotes led to some pretty deep silence and meditation.  While the wisdom contained within the quotes was recognized, it was also clear that these would take some practice to actually live day to day.  We were in agreement that this was a practice worthy of our Fall time.

We completed the day by creating a sand mandala.  The process was calming and allowed us to integrate our newfound wisdom into our souls.  We went forward, looking forward to the next few months of living in and for the NOW.

I hope you enjoyed this brief description of the Integrative Wisdom Fall Gathering.  What follows is information I passed on to our group from the book, “The Medicine Woman’s Guide To Being In Business For Yourself”, by Carol Bridges.  This book has helpful to be over the last 20 years and I still enjoy the wisdom within the pages today.

Take stock of your routine.  The average day is the harvest of thousands of thoughts, desires, longings, repression, or expressions over your lifetime.  Is the harvest good?  Are you experiencing joy in these average days that are passing you by?

Are you noticing the simple pleasures?  The way the light is streaming in the window?  The smell of your flowers in the garden?  Do you pay attention to those nudgings that encourage you to pick up the phone and make a call to a friend, or the one that says, Stop and just take a breath, or are you muttering over the list of to dos that aren’t getting done or frowning with frustration at the world?

It is important to recognize our responsibility in harvesting our best life.  Let us be sure we are taking small steps to create our best day, in spite of things we have no control over. 

Direction:  West.  It’s time for a “Time Out”.  Fall into your comfortable chair and look over what you have done so far.  Look over what you have placed your attention on in the summer.  Is it coming to fruition?  Is it worth your continued time and efforts?  Are you proud of what you are doing with this one precious life?

Do you see this in relationship to your connection to the Divine?  Give your life to that which is greater than yourself.  Time is all we have.  Let us use it well.