Life's Magical Moments

What Magic is Brewing in Your Life?

Happy Brand New Month!  OMG a few of us might exclaim.  How in the world did we get here already?  Where did this year go?  I'm not ready... (Just a few other exclamations we might be making!)

And yet, we are here.  Right here at the end of a whole year.  AND to make it even more surreal, we have arrived at the end of a decade and are facing a brand spanking new one.   Usually just the coming of a new year sends out the call to make those resolutions but the coming of a new decade?  What might that milestone trigger within us?

Maybe you have been so busy you haven't even thought about the new decade.  Maybe you are so busy with the Christmas season, you haven't even thought about the New Year.  If not, I'm here to put a bee in your bonnet and set your mind to conjuring.

What better time than the magical season of Christmas to envision our future?  One question I have been pondering for a few years now is this:  As an adult, what would I ask Santa for?  For some reason this question has not been easy for me to answer.  I think back to my childhood and the joy I felt when I realized that Santa had listened to me and thought enough of me to fulfill my heart's desire.  I truly loved the gift, whatever it was, and skipped and jumped around for days, while reveling in my prize.

But, now as an adult, the magic has shifted slightly.  Now I am more inclined to believe the gift will come due to my actions, not Santa's.  But...if I returned to those days of blind faith in a bringer of my deepest held desire, what would I ask for?

I have considered those beauty contest answers like "world peace" and "justice for all".  Maybe I don't even think those are possible and I don't want to waste a wish. Or maybe I'm just selfish and want the gift to only benefit me and my life.  As I have said, I am still in the middle of discernment.

I will pause here and let you ponder what you might ask Santa for...

Dear Santa,

So, what is your wish to Santa?  Was it easier for you than it has been for me?  I hope so.  Here's to that magical moment when Santa grants your deepest desire.

But...if you were more like me and found it hard to know what to ask for, why do you think that is?  I'm really curious.  I think part of it for me is the understanding I now have about the fragility of life and the knowledge that, all too soon, life comes to an end.  I find there isn't any one thing I can ask for that will live up to the enormity of this fact.

Instead, I find myself simply wanting to show up to each day.  I find I want to show up, more to the process of asking rather than the end result of receiving.  I revel in the magic that I am here at all and in the magic that one day, a day I have no knowledge of, that it will all be over.  I want to revel in this moment, this magic that is simply being able to ask the question.

So, back to this, end of the year-last month of 2019, moment.  Back to this end of a decade moment.  I am choosing to be held in this magic by consciously marking my days, by listening with my inner ear and discerning what to do, not what to get.  I find have goals, milestones I want to achieve that stand for the idea I was given a responsibility in this being born, a mandate to listen to an inner call and somehow manifest this out into the world. 

I am excited that I am achieving all three of the goals I set for myself back in May.  These will be the gifts I give to myself I suppose.  These coming to fruition is the magic I will cherish.  And, as I finish out these last 30 days of this decade I will give thanks for the gift of life, for the gift of magic, and for the gift of believing.  And I extend my belief that you, too, will be able to discern your end of the year, end of the decade magical moments and revel in them.


Lastly, Integrative Wisdom will be offering an envisionment gathering in January 2020.  Yep, I just made up that word.  It works for what I am envisioning... If you have any desire to partake in the magic, stay tuned.  The date will be set one day soon.  I hope to see you here.

Your Soul Catalyst,
Verna

Grief Demands A Voice

Today I noticed my nephew posted on social media about the memories of his life prior to the death of his wife popping up on his news feed and how these memories  were “kicking his butt”, or something to that effect.  And as I looked at the photo he shared, I was brought back to that time, before his wife died, and how things were.  Looking at the photo, recalling the first time I saw it, I was transported back into the happiness of the moment.  Yes, that feeling was followed by the sadness of knowing she is no longer alive.  But, I was so grateful for the opportunity to remember her and the joy and the laughter and the love.  And in some strange way, even grateful for the sadness of missing her.

Here in our mainstream culture, it is not seemly to allow the death of someone close to us to take up too much of our most valuable time.  Hence the admonitions to “get on with your life”, to “get over it”, to “buck up”, and the like are often bandied about to those who are grieving.  Most of the time, it’s because they don’t like to feel those difficult emotions.  And we who have experienced loss would agree.  We don’t want to remember what we no longer have.  We want to pretend as if we can get on with life just fine.  Our loved one is lost to us.  And since we can’t find them again, we should move on.  We want this for those we love too.  Let’s face it, we don’t want to see them cry, much less bawl their eyes out expressing raw emotion.

Today’s post reflects on a few things that have come together for me this week.  First, I am two-thirds of the way through Stephen Jenkinson’s book, Die Wise.  https://orphanwisdom.com/

This book is not for the casual reader. Stephen writes deep and he takes you along for that dive.  Second, to give my brain a break, I started reading a book about Margaret Fuller.  Well, as synchronicity would have it, the book begins with her death.  And not just her death, but her death by drowning at sea with no body to be found, no body to grieve over.  Holy Moly.

And third, I am working on my next Integrative Wisdom gathering, “Grief Demands a Voice”.  As I place myself in the dream time and imagine what shape this gathering will take, my heart and my soul are plunged into our society’s struggle with these deep feelings we hold and hide.  We shove them deep into our own sea of forgetting, hesitant to hold them up into the light, fearful we won’t survive the depths of sorrow we find there.

I wonder if you might be surprised to learn that the sorrow, just because it is buried, has not died.  It is still very much alive and still demands attention and respect and VOICE.  Hence, the title of the gathering.  If you were to allow yourself to think about the last person close to you who died, what would those thoughts entail?  Would it be a laundry list of facts about the person, mundane details of how they lived and died, or would your thoughts turn to your relationship with them? 

 

My Dad Harvey

In my many years of hospice work as a medical social worker, it always surprised me that in general, we seem to think people will get nicer, kinder, smarter, wiser, more loving, etc. as they get closer to death.  Family members would ask me if this was true.  I would have to be honest with them and say that in general, people die the way they lived.  This can lead to lots of unresolved pain too.  Holding on to that kind of memory can increase the suffering felt by the one left behind.  Yet, what options do we have since our loved one is “lost” to us in death. 

Stephen says that our society has been working to get to “less dying”, as if that is somehow possible.  We put off having discussions about our dying, we pretend that those with a terminal diagnosis are doing “fine", we don’t talk about dying to those dying because we are afraid we will cause them to give up trying not to die while all the time they are still dying.  And in doing this dance of deception, important moments are stolen from us he says.  Stephen says we have sorrow and grieving and knowing about our dying stolen from us by our refusal to give any of this a voice.

In hospice, once a year we would hold a celebration of remembrance and invite the families of our deceased patients to attend.  As a speaker, I would acknowledge the importance of coming to such an event to honor their loved one, but I would then remind them that their grieving was not over.  As much as they would like to turn away from this pain, the sorrow and grieving are part of the mystery and gift of loving.  And I would encourage them to continue this path of mourning.

I guess that is what I am doing by offering this gathering.  I am encouraging you to step once again into the boat and sail once again into the sea of grief.  Give voice to your deceased beloved and allow them to communicate with you once more.  Honor your grieving.  Honor your sorrow.  Trust your wisdom that you have feelings or memories or thoughts that beg for expression in a safe place.  Let your memories of happiness and joy and love find expression here, even in death.

Grief Demands A Voice is offered November 3rd, 2018 from 10 am to 3 pm here at The Center of Creative Transformation in Escondido, Ca. $50 for the day.  Lunch included.  Details of how to prepare for the day will be sent upon registration.

And if you can’t join us here at The Center of Creative Transformation, please do find a safe place and continue to honor your expression of grief and loss for those who have died.